How to build trust in a relationship - 7 key facts

Daryl McConnell

Did you know there are 7 concrete ways to build trust in a relationship?  Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first.  For instance, Predictability is more important than variety in a relationship.  The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.

First, although it may surprise you, you need to be predictable.  This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive.  Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but overall we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work.  Trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.

Next, ensure that your words match the message.  This means that your partner must hear the words which match your body language.  If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your parter needs to be able to trust what you are saying.  When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

Third, you must believe in your partner’s competency.  If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need.  When lovingly communicated, the truth is not destructive.  When you do not believe that your partner is competent, you violate the trust in a relationship. 

Remember, secrets destroy the trust in a relationship.  Be honest and open.  Assume everything you know will eventually come out.  Secrets require enormous energy on your part.  Think, that is energy that could be going into building the relationship. 

Fifth, let your partner know your needs.  Don’ t make him or her guess what you need. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish. Conversely, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

Sixth, learn to say no.  When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing.  But don’t say yes to everything.  A partner cannot respect you if you never say no.  Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.

Finally, pursue growth.  When you plant a tree, you begin by digging in the dirt.  Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain.  But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth.  Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. 

When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a degree of pain.  But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your relationship.