How to save a relationship in 7 steps

Daryl McConnell

One surefire why of avoiding the need to get back an ex is to stop your relationship failing in the first place. This is easier said than done though. Read on to discover how to save a relationship.

First off, decide whether the relationship is worth saving.  While most relationships can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work.  Because if a partner has decided to call it quits, there is little that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or because children are involved.  But that is not enough.  How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Next, pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  A massive misconception in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself. 

For example, to many, an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem.  The underlying cause of the affair may have been the lack of intimacy in the relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship. 

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  However, it is worth it as you won't be put in the position of having to get back an ex as you will still be together.

Is your relationship worth saving?  If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.